


Berenstein

by doieagenda



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angels, Angst, Avatar, College, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mutant, Prom, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Weddings, Witches, comfort women, dotae besties, doyoung is whipped, doyoung sad boi, gender bending, hanahaki, stonewall inn riot, taeyong universal bestfriend, twin flames, yuta clueless boy, yutae besties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doieagenda/pseuds/doieagenda
Summary: Doyoung lasted so many lifetimes running towards Yuta because it’s his only purpose and the only thing he’s good at. His purpose is to love Yuta unconditionally even if the other doesn’t love him back and he would run across a thousand lifetimes in parallel universes just to find and love Yuta like how he’s been doing since their creation. Because loving Yuta is as easy as breathing. Because loving him came to Doyoung naturally like he was born to be Yuta’s.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung & Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 7
Kudos: 71





	Berenstein

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yUriHo3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yUriHo3/gifts).



> Hi it's been a while!! I'm back with a doyu au hehe because we need more of those. Anyway, thank you k for being my beta reader u a trooper and for my other friends who read it before it was doyu i love u guys :>
> 
> also there's gonna be major character deaths bc it is a reincarnation au and there's r*pe too but you can skip over those parts it's not that graphic 
> 
> anyway i hope yall like it
> 
> title is from Berenstein by The Band Camino

Doyoung lasted so many lifetimes running towards Yuta because it’s his only purpose and the only thing he’s good at. His purpose is to love Yuta unconditionally even if the other doesn’t love him back and he would run across a thousand lifetimes in parallel universes just to find and love Yuta like how he’s been doing since their creation. Because loving Yuta is as easy as breathing. Because loving him came to Doyoung naturally like he was born to be Yuta’s.

In one life— their first life, he’d been an angel. Doyoung was tasked to look after the village near the river. The annual festival is going to take place and it was his duty to help the citizens. He flies over to one of the roofs and scans the area only to see a boy with dewy honey skin and angelic dark curls. He glowed under the sun’s heat and his smile is the prettiest the angel has seen. It is heaven itself looking at the boy’s smile. Doyoung flies carefully down near the boy and hides his wings.

“Hello, angel,” beams the boy “I’m Yuta, what’s your name?”

The angel gives him a polite smile and says, “Doyoung.”

And that’s where it started.

Doyoung flies down to Yuta every other day during his rounds. Yuta greets him warmly, and it reminds him of summer. He’d like to spend every summer with the other boy until he grew old. He saw how full of life Yuta was and how beautiful he was on the inside just as on the outside. He saw how short-tempered or how unceasingly curious the boy is and he took it all endearingly. Doyoung soaked him in— all parts of him, beautiful and human— until the boy was a portion of him. It was not long until he fell in love with the village boy with the glowing skin and cherub-like curls.

It was the day before the festival and a giant fight broke out in the village. Doyoung flew as fast as he could and tried to stop the fight before it grew more violent.

“The boy! A boy was stabbed!”

He turns his head forcefully to the woman who said it. With only one boy flooding his mind, he flew to the house he constantly visits. Heart pounding, he opens the creaky door only to find his love lifeless on the floor. Blood pooled around Yuta’s body and what once was eyes full of light were now dull. And dead.

Doyoung fell to his knees and sobbed. He cried until he had no more tears to cry.

“Until the next life, my love.”

In the next life, he’d been a witch, hiding from the townspeople. Wrapped in his cloak, Doyoung goes to the town to buy ingredients for a healing potion. The merchant’s plaza was full of people. It was so crowded, being unrecognized is a task made easy for him.

He holds his basket tighter and walks along the plaza, cloak slightly covering his line of sight. Because of that, he bumps into someone and the basket with his ingredients falls to the ground.

“My apologies, I was not looking where I was going,” says the person Doyoung bumped into. He slowly looks up and gasps softly. Those eyes drew Doyoung in. The person’s eyes were warm and gentle. Among the soulless and tired eyes of the people around him, he sees light inside of this person’s eyes. It was the middle of winter yet his eyes reminded Doyoung of summer. Summer in the eyes of the boy he loved before.

“Here’s your basket, sir,” the man utters with a smile that made Doyoung’s heart clench with familiarity.

“O-oh, thank you and no problem. I best be going then.”

“Alright, enjoy your day!”

It’s him. Yuta.

Two days later, he finished his healing potion yet something— more like someone—is clouding his thoughts. He closes his eyes and thinks.

In this universe, Yuta had dirty blond hair. A manly build replaced his pubescent body. Sunkissed skin turned paper-white. He was no longer the familiar image that Doyoung holds dear in his thoughts but it’s him. Because his smile and eyes are the same.

Yuta’s smile who mirrors the kingdom’s most prized possession. His eyes who holds stars and the whole cosmos in them. The smile and the eyes that he adores and cherishes. Those that made Yuta his.

Doyoung opened his eyes suddenly when he heard a ruckus from outside his fortress. He takes his cloak but in his haste, he drops potions from his table. He had no time to fix it because the noise was getting louder and people were getting closer.

“Witch! Burn the witch!”

The smell of fire invaded his noses, and the light from the torches illuminated the pathway to his house. He goes out and looks at the crowd. They throw rocks at him and call him the devil. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the one who recently occupied his mind.

“Surrender now, witch,” Yuta says. Doyoung looks at him, disheartened.

“I saw your basket, full of witchery. I don’t know how the spawn of Lucifer infiltrated our marketplace. Got anything to say, witch?”

Doyoung continued to stare at him. Had he mistaken this man as the same person who gave him the world? He was so sure that it was his Yuta, his sweet and beautiful Yuta.

“Yuta, I say we burn him,” A random villager says.

In a snap, Doyoung bursts out into a silent and choked sob. His eyesight blurred from the hot tears that fell from his eyes. His legs give out and suddenly, he’s on the ground. A torch was thrown at him by Yuta and his cloak caught on fire.

He did not care for the flames that are slowly swallowing him up because in this life, Yuta did not love him. In fact, Yuta abhorred him to the point that he died by the hands of him.

His heart burns along with this body. The image of his Yuta being the last thing he sees before he’s gone.

It was a thousand years later when he was brought back to Earth. He was still Doyoung, but this time he was Doyoung, the crowned prince of a nation dominated by fire. It was a war between elementals and he was assigned to the navy. He knew he should be focused on winning the war but in the recesses of his mind, he hopes that his crusades will lead him to what his soul yearns the most.

He doesn’t know if in the millennium he’s been gone, Yuta was ever brought back. He missed him, he craves for him.

“Captain, we will be docking soon.” Doyoung turns to the sailor and gives him a curt nod. He looks far ahead to the island where soon, he’ll inhumanely be taking the best bender.

They docked and he walked down to the tents and igloos of the water tribe. His men surround the perimeters. It was not as big as the water tribe up in the North so it makes it easier to burn and slay them.

“People of the southern water tribe, I am Prince Doyoung of the fire nation. Hand me your best bender and I will not harm your elders,” He declares sharply. The people cower under his gaze as he waits for the one requested.

“Let my people go,” says a voice from the crowd. The crowd made way for a girl, almost just as old as Doyoung. She has dark, curly hair and dark skin. He stood his ground and snapped his finger, creating a tiny spark of fire.

“Give me what I need or I’m burning all of them.”

The girl takes a deep breath and exhales. A puff of cold air comes out of her mouth. “I am the one you need, take me. Now, let them go.”

He motioned for his men to release the elders and to take the girl. She resists for a while but eventually gives in to the strong grips of Doyoung’s guards.

He was going to board the ship when a wail was heard from a distance. “Yuta! Don’t go!”

He halted and looked back. The girl wriggled out of his guards’ grip and ran to the child. The guards ran to her and pulled her away. A tear fell from her eye and she begs, “Give me a minute with him, please.”

In this life, he was trained to not show weakness. He was trained to do whatever it takes to win this war. Doyoung grew stubborn and impulsive. He grew ruthless. But never in front of Yuta. No matter how evil he is in this world, it does not change the fact that he will always let Yuta win because beside his training to kill, he was first trained to love him—or her—infinitely.

“I’ll give you a minute,” he sighs.

His crew gives him worried looks yet he ignores them. He's never once shown anyone mercy but here he stands in front of the person that he has chased lifetime after lifetime, hoping she remembers who he is.

“Time’s up.”

Yuta stands up but doesn’t face him. In a flash, Doyoung is splashed with ice cold water. He growls and readies his stance but he sees Yuta already creating another water whip.

The water surrounds his waist and flings him to the side, the ice scraping his face. Thank the Spirits it did not graze his scar. He stands up and looks to find the water bender-- no, Yuta-- but she has escaped from him once again.

Doyoung clenches his fist and sets one of the tents ablaze. He then turns back towards his ship.

"Let's go, men. This place is of no importance to me now."

They went on their usual cat and mouse chase— he, Doyoung, always seeking her, and Yuta, like the blasted element that she bends, escaping from his grasp each time. As the frequency of their meetings increase, so does Yuta's absolute hatred for him. Sometimes, when he gets really frustrated, he lets his fire burn everything that's within reach. Is this all there is to their relationship? Doyoung, the one who always seems to remember everything, and Yuta, the one who always seems to forget? Is their love not meant to be? He tries to hate her and to win this war but he just can’t.

He doesn’t have it in him to resent Yuta because a life without Yuta would be bland and empty. She is the moon to his sun, the water to his fire. The one who completes his being fully, and the one who can understand him on a level no other can.

They meet again, this time in the crystal catacombs of the Earth Kingdom. One of the Earth King's guards has trapped the two of them in there. Yuta tries to waterbend her way but unfortunately it does not work. She screams in frustration and sits down in a corner, far from Doyoung.

They sit in silence, the air ripe with tension. Doyoung wonders what would have happened if he isn’t the prince of the nation who has destroyed Yuta's people. Would he still have Yuta back?

She is the same as the Yuta in all their past lives. Tough, fiery, and still full of life.

“Ember Island.”

The waterbender turns to look at him, surprised with the sudden statement. “What?”

“It’s my favorite place in the fire nation,” he says waiting for a snarky remark but got nothing so he continued, “my parents, my sister, and I always spent our summers there.”

He smiles recalling distant memories of childhood there. “I loved it because of the sea. Father always said that it is not a thing a firebender should love yet I kept coming back because it felt like home.”

“What’s your point, Fire Prince Doyoung?”

She says that with a sneer but he ignores it.

He turns to look at her, “Your eyes reminded me of the sea in Ember Island. It feels like home looking into your eyes.”

Yuta blushes and turns away from him. They fall into another silence, this time awkwardness permeates through the air.

“I’m a coward too,” Doyoung admits. “I did not want to join this war yet here I am.”

He continues, “I have been raised for greatness but it does not fill the void I feel inside. I feel like there’s always something missing and I try to keep running and chasing this thing but it always slips through my fingertips.”

It’s you that always slips from my fingers, he thinks. Doyoung stands up and faces away from Yuta. Tears prickling through his eyes. He’s scared that in all the lives he will live through, in all the universes he journeys to, Yuta would always run away from him before he actually gets a taste of love from the other.

The girl spins him around and hugs him tenderly. He wraps his arms around her waist and they stay like that. He tries to take everything in, trying to engrave this moment in his brain.

She looks at him, the familiar, warm, and lively gaze on him. “That's something we have in common." Yuta touches his scar and he lets his eyes flutter shut. Her touch gentle, like she’s afraid he’ll break.

"You're not a coward, Doyoung."

This is the version of himself he shows Yuta, the Young Prince who seeks love from those closest to him. He half-expects her to turn away once more, to escape from his grasp, yet she's here. His pillar of strength. And he’ll keep trying to fight for her. Not just in this lifetime, but in the following ones as well.

He surges forward and Yuta meets him halfway, their lips locking in a dance only known to them alone. Yuta grips his dark hair like a lifeline: a silent pleading to never let her go. Doyoung has never kissed Yuta in any of the previous lifetimes but now he thinks it was worth the wait.

The kiss was searing yet soothing to the touch, a tidal wave that pulls him in and drowns him in her cerulean gaze. It's an addicting feeling and so he kisses her everywhere he can get: each kiss a silent confirmation to her plea.

After all is said and done and the fires of passion are tamed, Doyoung holds Yuta tightly in his arms, afraid to let her go once more.

Doyoung wishes all lifetimes would be like this because in this lifetime, he got Yuta. He’ll wait until his love is returned again in another life and he’ll wait until Yuta remembers him.

And so he waits.

He comes back to Earth again, and again, and again only to learn that sometimes, Yuta loves him and sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes they’re lovers, then they’re enemies, then they’re friends.

He learns that it is better to die by the hands of Yuta than to not know him at all. It is better to see how lucky he is to have found the other in every single life he lives.

Because in the end, they keep coming back to each other like everything else is forgiven. He will keep surrendering and keep waiting because in the infinite threads of time and space, Yuta is his and he is Yuta’s.

Doyoung remembers in one life he’d attended a wedding. He stands beside the altar, a nervous wreck so he starts counting to calm himself.

1...

The big cathedral doors open to reveal a stunning bride. Yuta looked ethereal in white lace, and Doyoung felt his heart beat faster. The train of her gown trailing behind her and covering the flowers the flower girls threw.

She always knew how to capture everyone’s attention and this time, she does it again without fail.

2...

She walks gracefully down the aisle, the guests adoring her. The veil covers her face but not enough because you could see the excited glint in her eyes.

3...

He fidgets and plays with his hands as she walks closer to the altar. Her bouquet makes her stand out more as if she’s not already the center of attention of this whole event. Yellow roses, marigolds, and daffodils adorned it.

She glowed and it made Doyoung sweat in anxiety.

4...

Yuta arrives at the altar and faces him.

5...

And she smiles. That same breathtaking smile that transcends through all lifetimes. The one that Doyoung is so lucky enough to witness with his own eyes.

But it’s not directed at him because in this life, he’s merely a spectator in this ceremony made for love. In this life, Yuta’s being wedded to his best friend.

It was so easy to love Yuta in this life as well. The two of them grew up together in the same town and were neighbors. It was in middle school when Taeyong, the groom, joined their small bubble. Apparently for Taeyong, it was easy to love Yuta too.

The reception hall was filled with high-spirited chatters and fun yet Doyoung remained seated, observing the people around him. A clink of glass had everyone quiet in a matter of seconds.

“Now it is time for the best man speech!”

Everyone applauds as Doyoung stands up and holds his glass. He gives an awkward, tight-lipped smile and looks at the couple.

The universe is cruel, he thinks.

“Yuta and Taeyong are two of the most important people in my life because they’re all I’ve ever known.”

She’s all he knows, he thinks again.

Nevertheless, he continues. He recalls some childhood memories and it makes everyone laugh. Told some sad stories too, which made some of the people in the audience hide a sniffle.

He tries to give them the sincerest best man speech he could muster.

“Yuta is a strong lady but even if she acts all tough, please protect her and keep her happy. Keep each other happy because...” He trails on, keeping eye contact with the bride who just gives him an encouraging smile. “Because both of you deserve everything good in this life.”

Right there and then, he realizes that he does not care if this whole ordeal hurts him. He does not care if Yuta is in love with a person that’s not him because no matter how cruel he thinks the universe is, he’s a boat and Yuta’s the lighthouse and he knows they’ll find each other again.

The flowers in Yuta’s bouquet appeared in the next life. Doyoung stopped trying to figure out what everything means after their 5th. He’s just sure that the universe likes to play with him because in this life, he’s sick.

Kim Doyoung. Hanahaki Disease. 27 y/o.

He lies on the operating table idly, waiting for the anesthesia to kick in. He stares at the light in front of him, not caring if it stings because he’s so caught up thinking about someone.

His mind drifts off to Yuta. The same Yuta who, time and time again, is so easy to love.

They met on a spring day where the flowers just bloomed in the park near Doyoung’s apartment. He’d been painting on a bench that’s facing the flowers.

“What’s that?” A voice asks him. He looks beside him and sees a teenage boy looking at him curiously.

“They’re marigolds.”

“Cool.”

He goes back to painting and lets the boy watch him.

“I like daffodils, can you paint me some, mister?”

“Yeah, sure...” He trails off not knowing the boy’s name.

“Yuta, but my friends call me Yuts.”

The world around Doyoung stops, just like every other time they meet. He feels his soul bind with Yuta’s. It was as if he was enlightened but some spirit and secretly, he hopes Yuta feels like that too.

“127 clinics were opened just for treating Hanahaki Disease because of the rise in the percentage of people acquiring it,” the news reporter says. Doyoung does not really care because he was perfecting his sketch of Yuta.

Yuta who’s 18 years old in this life. Yuta who’s all youthful grins and sarcastic remarks.

He erases some extra marks but stops when he feels his lungs burn. He rushes to his kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. The burning doesn’t stop so he sits down and tries to breathe slowly. The next thing he knew; yellow petals were spewing out of his mouth.

The coughing of petals continued for the next 2 weeks. It seems to worsen every time he meets Yuta at the park yet he hides it perfectly from the latter until the coughing and hacking happens every hour.

Hideous. The flowers looked hideous. The petals he coughs out had blood on it yet it’s not what makes Doyoung hate it. He hates it because it’s a sign his love for Yuta won’t be reciprocated. He realizes this when Yuta gives him a picture of a girl.

“Mister, can you draw her?”

“Who is she?” He asks, taking the picture from Yuta’s hand. Yuta blushes and looks away.

“I like her. I like her very much, and I think she likes me too.”

Doyoung feels his heart break. He’s experienced this so many times in different lifetimes yet he just can’t get used to the feeling. At the same time, his lungs burned and his breaths became short.

He’s now at the last stage. He had coughed up a root when he convinced himself to have it checked up. Doyoung did not do any research on this disease and the only thing he knows is that it comes from having unrequited love and that it’s curable which is enough for him. He just wants to see Yuta and paint for him, even if it’s the girl he likes.

Before the effects of the anesthetic take place, his surgeon comes in and says something to him.

“Mister Doyoung, shall I remind you that this surgery will cure you of your Hanahaki Disease but it will remove the love you have for the one who caused it. There is a 98% success rate for...”

He immediately stopped listening after the first sentence. This will remove the love he has for the one who caused it? It made his head spin.

What could he be without loving Yuta? It’s all he’s ever known and all he’s ever done. He’s afraid that in the next life they meet, Yuta would only be a passing figure. He’s afraid that when he sees Yuta again in their next life, he wouldn’t feel anything, not a spark or a skipping heartbeat. What can he possibly be when he’s not loving Yuta?

Because when he’s not loving Yuta, Doyoung is nothing.

“I can’t do this.”

He quickly stands up, pulls away all the things attached to him and leaves. The doctor and nurses all try to calm him and chase him but he runs.

He runs until he’s far away from the clamor of the hospital’s operating room. He runs like he’s been doing for lifetimes. He can’t continue with the surgery.

Doyoung can’t be nothing.

He falls short of breath and collapses. Petals, thorns, roots, and blood come out of his mouth. He feels it scratch his insides and his mouth tastes like iron. Everything around him started to look distorted. Doyoung holds the petals in his hands and coughs up the last root until everything goes dark.

Just like the previous life, he finds himself on an operating table. But he’s not getting surgery and he’s certainly not sick. He just needed a little bit of comforting from a friend who happens to be a doctor… for mutants… in a super confidential underground lab.

Again, Doyoung stopped trying to figure out what world and timeline he’s in. He turns to Taeyong, who coincidentally—not—is in this world too.

When Doyoung was brought into the lab, he was sent to Taeyong. The moment he arrived at his office, he was greeted warmly with a bone-crushing hug.

“Nice to see you again, Doyo,” Taeyong says with a sentimental look on his face.

“Have we met before?”

“Yes, like many lifetimes ago.”

His eyes widened at the statement. He looks into Taeyong's mind and sees the lifetimes where they encountered each other. Doyoung immediately pulls Taeyong in another hug and whispers, “I’m glad you remember me.”

He’s been living in this lab for four years and he’s grown tired of it. He’s become restless and all he wanted to do is to get out from there. He dreams of Yuta. Most of it is memories from the hundreds of lifetimes and worlds they trekked together. Doyoung can’t help but wonder if Yuta is doing okay in this life. He also can’t help to vent all his frustrations out to the only person who understands in this rat cage.

“What if I don’t meet him in this life?” He asks Taeyong who was doing something on his computer. The doctor sighs and turns to him but Doyoung looks into his mind again and groans.

“Don’t tell me to wait. I have been waiting all my lives and there is no certainty that he’ll show up in this,” He says and bangs his head on the operating table. “What if he’s human, Taeyong?”

Taeyong, seemingly annoyed by him, rolled his eyes in exasperation. “But what if he’s not? Also, can you stop reading my mind before I answer you.”  
“It doesn’t matter, I'll always keep waiting for Yuta.”

Taeyong stands up from his computer and pulls Doyoung up from his sulking position. “Okay, lover boy. I need to go and attend to the newcomer, and you need to do whatever it is you need to do.”

He groans again and whines, “But I have nothing to do.”

“Tragic. Truly, it is. Now leave.”

Doyoung grumbles a few curse words under his breath and leaves. He goes to the library and pulls out a few novels. He finds a vacant seat near a digital window and reads the first book about planes.

“Are you studying to be a pilot?”

He snaps his head to the man who now sits beside him. “Taeyong? I thought you need to look at the newcomer?”

The man looks exactly like Taeyong—but he’s obviously not—because Doyoung hears his mind think, ‘who’s Taeyong?’

“Yes, it is me. Taeyong. So, do you want to be a pilot?”

Doyoung looks at him and decides to entertain the impostor. He nods his head and shows off what he knows about planes, trying to recall a life where he was a pilot.

“Cool,” The impostor says yet he thinks, ‘this idiot really thinks I’m this Taeyong guy.’

It made Doyoung smirk when the guy called him an idiot. He continues to tell him more about what he knows, trying to annoy the other.

“So, what kind of mutant are you again?” Doyoung asks. The man smiles and tells him proudly that he can teleport. This time Doyoung was the one who smiled at him.

“That’s cute, but Taeyong is human so you can quit your act.”

The other guy looked shocked and changed back to his true form, a boy who looks around the age of Doyoung.

“Shit.” The boy whispers and runs away from him. Oddly enough, the banter between them felt almost familiar.

The next day, he goes to Taeyong's office again to tell him the shapeshifter story but to his surprise, the latter was already there.

“Taeyong, you can’t believe what happe-“

The doctor gives him a stern look and shakes his head. “Doyoung, please knock, it’s not my break time yet.”

He gives him a sheepish smile and scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry, I’ll come back later?”

“Sure, but before you go, let me introduce you to the newcomer.” Doyoung turns to the shapeshifter and gives him a slightly dirty look. Taeyong looks at him and smirks.

Doyoung looks in his mind and squints suspiciously when all he got was giggles.

“Doyoung, this is Yuta.”

And just like that, all bad perceptions of the boy faded away like melting ice. His gaze softens and Yuta offers him a lop-sided smile.

‘He’s here’ was all Doyoung could think of. His anxiety of not meeting Yuta was replaced with reassurance that they truly were meant to be.

“He’s a mind reader so careful of what you think around him,” Taeyong chuckles to which Doyoung rolls his eyes at.

Doyoung took the initiative to show Yuta around the lab. It’s not like it was exciting underground. They were living in a giant tin can and were being treated like lab rats. The last 4 years here were like hell without Yuta and now that he’s here with Doyoung, it became bearable hundredfold.

He learns that Yuta does not let the uptight atmosphere of the place dampen his shine. He is still full of life and full of personality that it makes Doyoung fall deeper in love than he is.

The two of them, when not being trained for their abilities, hang out in Taeyong's office. The doctor became tired of their endless squabbling and always ended up kicking both of them out. Yuta gives harmless jabs to him and in the end, he always lets him win; just like what he does in every other life they live in.

Among his other realizations, Doyoung also realized that his dull, monochromatic life was always colored by Yuta. Everything for him is almost routinely done: Live through the basic phases of life, find Yuta, love him and then move on to the next life. Yet in every life, he finds Yuta in different masks of people and every time, he has a trait that stands out which surprises him. Doyoung, despite looking different, is still the same person through and through. It’s just how they balance each other out, he thinks.

With Yuta in the lab with him, he learns how to set himself free. It’s like Yuta made him lose all his inhibitions. It was as if Yuta was his drug.

It was the day they started training. Doyoung has been doing this for a long time but it’s Yuta’s first time controlling his powers. Doyoung’s training was not as taxing as Yuta’s because he only had to use his mind whereas the training they will use for Yuta requires him to physically do work.

Doyoung bids Yuta good luck on his first day training as he goes into the room beside Yuta’s.

When he was near the end of his training, he heard a guttural scream from the room next to his and it sounded too much like Yuta. In a rush, he finishes his training and runs out of the room to check the scream.

The scream sounded painful.

When he opens the door, he sees a bloody Yuta. Flashbacks of their first life quickly flooded his mind. Doyoung shakes his head and attends to the bloodied boy.

“Let’s get you to Taeyong,” He says, voice filled with worry. “Don’t close your eyes, Yuts.” With his lanky arms, he attempts to carry Yuta bridal style but fails so he puts him on his back and runs to Taeyong's office.

When they reach the office, Taeyong quickly kicks him out so he can tend to Yuta. Doyoung sat down outside of the doctor’s office and quietly cried.

Three hours later, Taeyong comes out of the door and kneels to where Doyoung was sleeping on the floor. He shook him awake and told him that Yuta is now stable and he need not to worry.

Doyoung visits Yuta in the infirmary every day. The other, despite his condition, still wears a warm smile every time Doyoung brings him biscuits from the canteen.

“You’re awfully cheery today,” He says sitting down by Yuta’s feet.

“What can I say, I like seeing your face.” Doyoung blushes and turns away from him.

“You’re injured, why are you joking with me?” He says with faux annoyance. Yuta looked at him softly and smiled.

“I really do like seeing your face, Doyo. You are my savior.”

“Technically, Taeyong saved you,” Doyoung points out.

“No, but you carried me to him, mister knight in shining armor.”

Doyoung was going to reply when a presence interrupted their moment. Taeyong looks at them seriously and sighs. He takes a chair that was near Yuta’s bed while both boys look at him curiously.

“I have something to tell both of you,” He states. Doyoung’s heart drops to the floor, anticipating some news about Yuta. He was sure Yuta was nervous to see how his smile dropped into a frown.

“A threat from the government came in this morning and they already have bombs prepared.”

Doyoung looks at Taeyong's mind and stands up. “It’s a lost cause. The rebels running this lab are going to lose. Mutants have no fight against their bombs”

Taeyong slowly nods his head and looks at them. “I want to tell you that you have the chance to leave this lab. There are hidden exits meant for the superiors and I know where they are.”

“Aren’t you coming with us?” Yuta asks, while Doyoung already knew Taeyong's answer. He fought back the tears and let the doctor explain to Yuta.

“No, I am too committed to this lab. It’s my life now and if it ends, I’d like to end with it,” Taeyong says with a shaky voice. Doyoung throws himself at Taeyong and cries.

“Please come with us, please.” The doctor shakes his head and hugs back. Yuta, from his laid down state, slowly sat up and joined the two’s hug. “You’re the only family I have,” Doyoung whispers.

Taeyong pulls away, his cheeks are now wet too. Yuta wipes away Doyoung’s tears and pulls him closer to him. Having Yuta’s warmth seep through him eased him a little but seeing Taeyong show a small, sad smile made a few more hot tears fall from his eyes.

“You have Yuta now, I want you to have a happy and longer life together outside. You’ve been waiting for this, Doyo. I love you too much to hold you back.”

Though Doyoung is certain he will see Taeyong again, the pain in his chest worsens knowing his friend is sacrificing himself just to let him be with Yuta. Just so he could selfishly love Yuta outside of the rat cage they are trapped in.

Two days later, they execute their plan to escape the lab. Everything was smooth sailing and they managed to escape the guards with how Yuta shapeshifted into one of the superiors. They both breathe out in relief the moment the elevator door closes. They smile and bring their foreheads together. Doyoung thinks that the universe might be cruel to him sometimes, but chances like this with Yuta are worth every obstacle.

However, no matter how many chances the universe gives the both of them, it is—in every sense—cruel because one moment they were relishing in the partial success of their mission then the next thing they knew, both of them were catapulted into the opposite direction.

A long ringing sound went through Doyoung’s ears as he painfully opened one eye and—barely—sees Yuta across him sprawled out under a layer of debris. Doyoung crawls to him even in his frail state and spends his last seconds trying to say how much he loves Yuta in this life and the others.

“I’ll see you again.”

And this is how they end in this life. With him holding Yuta’s hand and them never living the long, happy, and prosperous life Taeyong had wanted for both of them.

Doyoung comes back as always but this time, Doyoung—or in this life, Doie—is a she. It’s not the first time that she’s been reincarnated as a girl but it always gave her difficulty to fix her emotions.

In the times she hadn’t been one, she always wondered how females manage their feelings because right now, the simple task of picking out a prom gown is stressing her out and it makes Doie want to have a breakdown in the shop.

“It’s not that hard of a decision, Doie,” Taeyong—who in this life is called Tae—says exasperatedly. Who’d known that in this life, Taeyong would be her older sister when they were robbed of a proper life in the last one.

“Oh but it is, I love the pink gown but the orange one just makes much more of a statement, right?” She says holding the two gowns up in front of the mirror.

Tae, who is probably tired of her sister’s qualms, just nodded her head and sighed.

“Yuta wouldn’t care because he thinks you’ll look amazing regardless.”

She suddenly stops and smiles while thinking of Yuta. She thinks of Yuta’s boyish smile and goofy hair and how he lights up the room with his personality. She thinks of how he blinks unevenly when he’s nervous or how one could feel the fire inside of him when he’s determined.

Still the same, charming Yuta. Still her timeless Yuta.

She looks at both dresses and nods resolutely. “Okay, I know what dress to wear now.”

Tae stands up raising an overdramatic fist in the air. “Finally!”

Doie never really thought that Yuta would ask her out to prom with the way he did. There was always a silent agreement between the two of them that they’ll be each other’s dates to prom.

So when Doie saw Yuta standing outside of her classroom holding a ‘wanted: missing prom date’ tarpaulin with her face on it, she was flabbergasted. Her cheeks and ears grew hotter and she had a silly, face-eating grin.

“Excuse me, you look like my missing prom date,” He says with a lopsided smile. “Will you be my date to prom, Doie?” The crowd of people around them cheer him on while she thinks of the many ways she could say yes. An unintelligible sound came out of her mouth but she is far from embarrassed about that. When she finally found her voice she yelled out a loud yes. Yuta drops the tarp and hugs her.

Finally, after all the things they’ve gone through in their past lives, Doie really is grateful for moments like this.

The day of the prom eventually rolled on by. Doie, with the help of Tae, looks stunning. The orange gown that she picked hugged her curves perfectly and the tulle made her look ethereal.  
The orange reminded her of Yuta and how she’ll always compare him to summer, the sun and everything else that is warm and bright because that’s just how he is in every lifetime and in every world. It just so happens that Yuta is the sun and Doie is just one of the planets that revolve around him.

A knock snapped her out of her reverie and she eagerly ran to the door to open it. As soon as she did, it revealed an equally stunning Yuta. It was not like his suit was anything special. It was a classic black suit and tie attire but anything he wears will look amazing in her eyes.

“Are you ready, miss prom date?” He asks, smiling. She looks at him lovingly and nods her head. He helps her with the corsage and she helps him with his.

After some embarrassing coddling from Tae and their parents, they drive off to the hotel their prom is going to happen.

Doie’s body is buzzing with adrenaline. Someone in the school spiked their drinks with alcohol and it makes her more impulsive and reckless than she already is. The loud music boomed off the sound system which translated itself to the bouncing bodies on the dance floor.

Yuta holds out his hand to Doie and invites her to dance. She gladly takes it and lets Yuta pull her into the dance floor. She dances and laughs when Yuta clumsily trips over his own feet. They both lose their inhibitions but are both brought back to earth when a slow song comes on.

“Everybody grab your partners. It’s time for the slow dance,” the dj says.

Girls and boys were rushing to get to their dates and those without were just sitting at their respective tables.

Yuta wraps his arms around her waist and she wraps hers around his neck.

“Have I told you that you look beautiful today?” Yuta tells her softly. She shakes her head.  
“Well, you do.”

‘You’re more beautiful. You’re always beautiful Yuta’ Doie thinks. Instead of replying though, she just lays her head on his chest.

The music of a particular red headed singer played and there were many couples swaying to it, yet it feels like it was only the two of them in the hall.

Doie looks at Yuta’s face and feels her heart swell. The person in her arms right now is one that she’s been chasing all her lives and the fact that he’s looking at her like she’s the entire world makes Doie feel like everything that happened in the past— whether it be good or bad— were never for naught because whatever it is she is feeling for millenniums, it is given back to her by some cosmic force through Yuta.

Unlike the last life, Doie’s youth was taken away from her too early. At 14, she was wedded to Taeyong—a boy a year and a half younger than her. Living with her in-laws was not bad since she was molded into the perfect and honorable wife and daughter-in-law.

At 15, a group of Japanese soldiers ravaged her husband’s home and hit her on the head with a bayonet. Waking up in a moving car, she resisted but was slapped on the face unpityingly. The hand print stung and left a worrying sensation on her face but all she could feel was the fear budding in her insides.

They told her she was going to be working at a nursing station but they arrived at an eerie looking camp. She was led inside and she saw a soldier going out of a room buckling his pants up. She sees a woman crawling out of the room with blood on the ends of her dress. She sees all the disgusting smiles of the men who found pleasure in the pain of all those women. It makes Doie resist and wriggle against the strong grips of the soldiers on her arms.

“She’s a feisty one, isn’t she,” A soldier says laughing. “Maybe she’ll learn how to be a little less gritty here.”  
She was thrown in a big bunker with many weeping girls and women. Doie, like the rest of them, was shedding tears. She feels goosebumps rise on her skin when a cold gust of wind blows past them.

She feels death near her.

Though her conditions are like that, she’s afraid of only one thing. It’s that in this life, she hasn’t met Yuta.

They slept in that bunker that night. All that were given to them was piles of straw to be slept on and under that was the earth. The earth that she wishes to will swallow her whole.

10 of them were pulled out from the bunker and were thrown into the rooms but before that, the women were stripped out of their clothes and were given thin, white dresses to wear and underneath, they were bare.

A loud thud can be heard on the wall as she was flung on the bed by a soldier. No one really came for a while, so Doie took the risky opportunity to sleep on the bed.

She was jolted awake by a sudden weight on top of her. A soldier who reeked of alcohol pinned her hands above her head and she writhed under his hold.

“Stop moving, whore,” The man says gruffly and tightens his hold on her hands.

“No, please!” She cried yet was ignored. A surprising and agonizing scream came out of her mouth as soon as the man penetrated into her.

Each thrust sent her in another dimension of pain. Doie actually feels darkness enclosing on her until it actually consumed her.

She wakes up again alone in the dark room but this time she was sore all over. Her wrists are bruised and her legs are too weak to carry her own weight.

A few more men went in the room and used her to satiate their thirst for pleasure.

‘The whole world is at war and all these pigs can think of is their personal needs,’ she thinks after the last man leaves her room. She feels like she’s a ragdoll being played with and discarded after.

This feels like it’s punishment for all the other lives she’s led. As if chasing around the love of her life for an eternity without him remembering all the thousand lives they spent together wasn’t enough.

The next few days were spent in that dark room and soldiers went in and out as they pleased. Screams and wails can be heard from the newcomers every day. She was not any different from those girls for Doie’s pleas weren’t acknowledged by the soldiers, and even by the cosmic forces that brought her here.

However, one day, they were pulled out from their respective rooms and were brought to the infirmary tents to help tend those soldiers who were injured. Many of the severely injured soldiers are crying in excruciating pain.

“Miss, give me a shot please,” A weak voice mutters and someone pulls Doie by the hem of her dress. She takes the morphine shot and injects it in the man. He closes his eyes and breathes better now. Doie’s heart softens at the sight of the man lying down on a board. She looks at him closer and gazes over the tattoo on his arm.

It read Yuta.

She sees Yuta around the comfort stations all fine and healthy again though he does not come in her chambers, and Doie feels thankful.

Until one day, he does go in.

Just like any other instances like this, Doie turns away and cowers in fear. She anticipates to be manhandled yet she feels the man sits on the edge of the bed.

He clears his throat and talks to her in a hushed tone, “Thank you for giving me the shot.”

She turns around to look at him and nods her head meekly. They spend an awkward minute with Doie just holding on to her knees and Yuta just sitting on the edge of her bed until he walks out to leave.

He comes back a few days later and flips Doie around. She whimpers and squirms under him. When he goes inside of her, she sobs. Everything around her started spinning and she felt her knees buckle from the pain.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers in her ear while he pushes in her. Her body is sore, she feels dirty, her skin covered with patches of blue and purple. She’s anything but beautiful.

But when Yuta says it, all of those symbols of torment that adorned her skin and her character, made her feel beautiful and alive. Alive because she can hear, see, and feel Yuta.

He comes by every day to see Doie. He talks about the war to her, he talks about his comrades who were killed in it, he talks about dying and he talks about love.

“Doie, I may die but if I do, let us meet at Yasukuni Shrine.”

She sleeps in the bunker that night, next to a hundred sobbing girls. A few of the older women have been planning an escape. Doie, though her Yuta is here, doesn’t want to live her life in constant unbearable pain.  
So the next day, 9 of them flee from the station. They got past the first row of guards but most of them—at least 5 of them—were shot dead. The remaining 4—including Doie—weren’t exactly left unscathed.

“Doie!” A familiar voice yells. She begrudgingly turns around to face him, prompting the other girls to head out first. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I can’t stay here, Yuta so goodbye, for now.”

“You can’t leave, you know that.”

“I can, and if you truly love me, you will let me,” She utters to him, a tear falling down her cheek. Doie then turns around but feels something pierce through her chest.

A gunshot resounded in her ears as she fell to the ground. She clutches her chest and feels the blood trickle down her body. Yuta marches to her with an inconspicuous glint in his eyes and Doie feels his gaze burn through her skin.

“You’re beautiful, Doie,” He says as Doie breathes her last breath in this life. “Let’s meet again at Yasukuni Shrine.”

They meet again but not in Yasukuni Shrine like what was promised. In this life, they meet in Stonewall Inn. Doie had been disowned by her parents and had been surviving by shoplifting in convenience stores. No one really accepted her until she stepped foot in that place.

Telltales were passed on regarding the Stonewall Inn. Some say it’s dangerous and everything that happens inside is sketchy. But for people like her, it is a haven. A safe place.

People who were outcasts like her were found there. No one really questioned anyone there and it was a big relief because for the first time in this life, she feels like she belongs.  
A girl with long wavy hair frequented the place. She looks at Doie with this playful shimmer in her eyes and Doie is captivated by her. One night, she had a few drinks too many, and bravely approached the girl.

“Hey,” she says awkwardly. With a mental slap on the face, she continues dancing to cover how humiliating that was. The girl smirks at her and pulls her by the waist and dances with the music.

“Hey, what’s your name?” The girl asks, still dancing. Doie answers her with her name and asks the other.

“My name’s Yuts!” She says pulling Doie to the side. “Short for Yuta.”

And just like that, they were together again. They went against the law and walked out the streets of New York holding hands. Clasped in Doie’s hands are her whole world. Yuta sneaks a few kisses when they’re in front of the police but is cautious enough to not get caught.

There is no place for the people like them so they always end up in Stonewall. Drag queens go on stage and the both of them always enjoy the show. When they clap and sing along and kiss in between, the outside world is forgotten.

It was heaven until the music stopped and the lights went out. A sudden darkness loomed over Stonewall while the police came raiding the place saying that they have a warrant. Yuta runs out of the building, not forgetting to pull Doie along with her. They watch as the police arrest the people crossdressing and they watch as they handcuff the ones running the bar.

“I hate them,” Yuta says angrily, fire burning in her eyes. This left both of them homeless and unfortunately, their families did not accept them until they started to like boys.

The neighborhood mirrored Yuta’s anger because in a matter of seconds, they swarmed Stonewall and screamed bloody murder on the police.

“Stop discriminating! We are no different from you!”

“I am a man who loves men! You can’t force me to love anyone else!”

The police used their brute power to calm the crowd, but they could not handle it. The fire of all the people could be felt. Everyone is angry and everyone is tired from the injustice.

Yuta and Doie run to the front and throw cobblestones at the police. Yuta encouraged everyone to do the same. Pennies, bottles, shoes, and other things were flying above their heads. Within a blink of an eye, hundreds of people were rioting against the unfair system brought upon them by society.

A barricade was set up to contain the riot. Doie grabs something in Yuta’s pocket and runs to the barricade. She lights up the lighter and throws it to the barricade. Now, thousands have come to fight with them.

The fire department and riot squads have been able to douse the fire that Doie started but not the fire of the people fighting and resisting. They stayed there for days and no one knew that they’d make history.

History has always been a passion of Yuta ever since he was a child. Something about it felt real to him, like he was there when an event happened. He loved history so much that he went to pursue it in college.

Now in his 3rd year, he was given readings about the Gay Rights Movements in America and somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he has distant—almost vague—memories of what happened in the duration of it. Which was strange seeing that it happened many years before he was even born. He wasn’t sure though if it only felt familiar because he has watched a documentary about it.

He was very particular about the Stonewall Inn Riots.  
Something about that event sparked a burning curiosity in Yuta. Like an archive in his mind was pulled because the familiarity in that event swallowed his whole being.

The arrests, the protest, the fire— everything feels like he’s done it before. It was strange.

He finishes up reading his paper and goes to the cafe in front of his university. It was there when he bumps into his friend Doyoung.

Doyoung is a literature major. He, in Yuta’s opinion, is a writing prodigy and the worlds and romances he writes are always amazing. He really immerses himself in his works, and Yuta admires him for that.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here!” Yuta says excitedly. Doyoung sends him a cordial smile and pulls him in a hug.

“You too, I was actually going to text you.”

They sit down on an empty booth in the corner of the cafe and Doyoung sips on his coffee.

Yuta flashes him a curious look and asks, “Oh yeah? What about?”

“We were asked to make a historical fiction piece for this one class, and I want you to be my beta reader,” He utters with a sheepish smile plastered on his face.

Yuta is already bouncing in excitement. To be reading Doyoung’s works is such an honor— at least to him.

“I mean, if you want to, I don’t want to pressure you into thinking that you need to do it, it’s just you know more about history and you—“ he rambles but Yuta cuts him off with a hearty laugh. Doyoung looks at him expectantly and bites his lip.  
“I’d do it, Doyo,” He replies genuinely, “I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

Doyoung releases a breath of relief and his mouth breaks out into a relieved smile. “You really are the best, Yuts.”

They meet up at the Cafe when their free time allows it. Sometimes to talk about uni and Doyoung’s story, but mostly it’s just two friends enjoying each other’s company. Being with Doyoung makes butterflies erupt in Yuta’s stomach. Not only does he admire the other because of his talent in writing, he also admires how he sees the world.

He seems like he’s experienced most things in this world, he talks like it too. For someone who’s in their early twenties he’s already so wise.

Doyoung always says he’s grateful for being in every life he lives. He doesn’t think reincarnation is real.

‘What if Hitler was reincarnated? That would be bad.’ He thinks.

But even if he doesn’t think it’s real, Yuta doesn’t understand that nor does he want to question it because Doyoung’s mind works differently than other people’s.

He likes Doyoung’s mind and the things that come out from it. Yuta just thinks it’s what makes him a great writer.

And maybe, Yuta just doesn’t like Doyoung’s mind.

It takes Yuta a few days to accept that he likes Doyoung more than as a friend and he’s never been the type to beat around the bush so, when he meets Doyoung he’s going to confess to him.

But when they met, Doyoung dropped a flash drive in front of him.  
“I’ve finished it.”

Yuta takes the flash drive and examines it. He then looks at Doyoung and sees how sleep-deprived the boy looks. He has deep bags under his eyes, his healthy tanned skin becomes gray and dull, and his eyes...

Yuta can’t describe Doyoung’s eyes. There is sadness in it, which he can’t quite fathom seeing that he should be happy he finished his work. But he’s always noticed it even since the first moment they met, it was just really prominent now. But because Doyoung doesn’t look like he’s in the mood, he just kept it and his confession to himself.

They part ways after that with Doyoung saying he has other works to finish, Yuta lies through his teeth and says the same.

It was a known fact among his peers that Yuta never does his work on time. So it’s not a surprise that he reads Doyoung’s story first and ignores half of the paperworks that were assigned to him by his menace professors.

He was so caught up in the whirlwind of emotions Doyoung put in his writings. He notices the recurring themes of heat and warmth, loyalty and love. He reads it as if he was also there in the world Doyoung built. It’s the same feeling he gets when he studies history. Everything in it feels familiar, like the intimacy of Doyoung’s words seep through every fiber of his entity.

He reads about an angel falling in love with a boy, a witch being burned by a whole village, a prince of fire chasing a waterbender, a man watching his best friend marry the love of his life, a man dying because of an unrequited love, two mutants trapped in an underground lab, teenagers going to prom enjoying their youth, a comfort woman loving a soldier, and the riot in Stonewall Inn.

It was different stories but lived out by two characters. Yuta’s hand shakes furiously as he can’t wrap his head around the fact that he remembers everything — every brutal, and unsparing detail. It washed over him like a giant wave, swallowing him and never spitting him out.  
He closes his laptop and runs out of the cafe to Doyoung’s dorm. Tears fought its way out of his eyes as everything flashed in his mind.

He remembers Doyoung flying down to him every day during the festival. Yuta remembers flames in both the lives Doyoung was a witch and a prince. He sees Doyoung force a smile at him when he was marrying another man. He sees flowers come out of Doyoung’s mouth, he sees them in the clinics of the same man he married in the other life. He remembers how Doyoung was on the other end of the gun Yuta was holding. He remembers Stonewall Inn, not as how he studied it, but how he was there with Doyoung before and after everything happened.

Yuta runs, just like how Doyoung has been running towards him for ages. His feet find themselves outside of Doyoung’s dorm.

He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door frantically. To his surprise, Doyoung wasn’t one who opened it.

“Hello? Are you here for Doyoung?” The boy asks. Yuta envelopes him in a tight and bone breaking hug.

“It’s nice meeting you again, Taeyong.”

Taeyong's eyes shot wide open and hugged Yuta back. “Yuta?”

“I remember.”

He looks at him with an affectionate gleam in his eyes. “You better talk to Doyoung, he’s inside.” With another hug, Yuta walks to Doyoung who was on their table eating.

“Yuts? What are you doing here?” Doyoung says taken aback by his unexpected presence.

Yuta swoops him into a hug and cries, “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.”

He has run across the different fabrics of reality and in each of them Doyoung was there, loving him even when he died by his hands, even when he hurt him in ways he can’t imagine doing. Doyoung was there saying how brilliantly he shines in every life yet now that he remembers, it was him who blazed brighter than a dying star, it was him whose light wasn’t dampened. It was him who loved Yuta unconditionally and eternally.

**Author's Note:**

> you can reach me at my [twt](https://twitter.com/doyoungagenda) hehe feel free to drop a dm!


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